I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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