three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
