sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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