i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't turn off my feet"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
