Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
