In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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