Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
