is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
