Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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