why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're a waste of cheezeits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
