Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
