apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
