My friends, they love my intelligence
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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