I bet he comes in French.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
