Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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