Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
