dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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