Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
