Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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