Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
did you just send me my own nude
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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