I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We are two peas in an std pod
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
