the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
