Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
