My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
