Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
