"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
