Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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