Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
