Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
