Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
