Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
