Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
