nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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