Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
