he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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