im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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