I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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