well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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