are you so shy because you have an std?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
