At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
