hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pants are for mortals
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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