And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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