I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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