i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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