She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
