Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
