I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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