umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
