I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
