I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
