I wanna bring you to show and tell
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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