u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
