my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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