Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
