I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
