he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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